Mother’s Day can be a beautiful celebration—brunches, flowers, handmade cards, smiling photos across social media. But for those of us who’ve lost our mothers, it can feel more like a day of absence than of joy. It’s a date on the calendar that arrives like a wave, slow but unrelenting, pulling at the ache of what’s missing.

But I’ve come to believe that those who grieve have just as much right to participate in Mother’s Day as anyone else. In fact, their participation may carry a deeper meaning—a testament not only to who mothers were, but to the enduring love that didn’t vanish when they did.

Grief is not a disqualifier from Mother’s Day. It is proof that you were deeply loved. And while it may feel awkward or even painful to engage with the holiday, there are quiet, personal ways to do so that can bring comfort and connection.

For some, that means lighting a candle or visiting a gravesite. For others, it might be sharing a story about your mom with someone who never met her. Cook her favorite dish. Listen to the music she loved. Wear her perfume. Volunteer or donate to a cause she cared about. Write her a letter. These rituals, small as they may seem, are sacred acts of remembrance.

And if you were not on good terms with your mother, or your loss is more complicated, know that your grief is valid too. Not every story is neat. But closure can still be found in the choices we make to honor the good, heal from the hard, and carry forward the lessons we’ve learned.

You might also consider extending your love to others. Reach out to someone who’s also grieving—a sibling, a friend, even a stranger online. Connection in grief has a way of softening the jagged edges. Or honor a maternal figure in your life—an aunt, mentor, teacher, or friend—whose care has helped shape you.

Mother’s Day doesn’t have to be all or nothing. It doesn’t have to be roses and brunch. It can be a quiet walk. A tearful hour. A moment of peace. A memory cherished. You can opt out of the noise without opting out of the love.

To all those navigating Mother’s Day without their mothers—your grief is welcome here. Your stories matter. Your love continues. And you still belong on this day.